My brother died six years ago, it was the anniversary last Monday.

I find it harder as the years go by, not easier. It’s funny because when he first died, I handled it all very well- was strong and kept my family together whilst individually they all went to pieces. But, as the years have gone by, and the friends have slowly petered off and all that is left are my memories and a few lovely photos, it gets harder and I don’t seem to have the strength I once did. Is this how it’s going to be from now on? Gradually getting worse as the years go by? Having the pain sear through my chest every time I think of him? Why can’t I be content with the memories? Think of his beautiful smile and sunny disposition with a smile on my face and warmth in my heart? After all he’s never coming back and I know this.

They say time is a healer but time isn’t curing my wounds; it’s making them bigger and more infected. I know there is no answer to my questions and that I have to get on with my life which mostly I do. I just wanted everyone who has lost someone to know they’re not alone in feeling the pain and that it’s ok to still be in pain years afterwards.

Death is a part of life and we all deal with it differently.

RIP Jack